Just Like That
Singer/songwriter Bonnie Rait won a Song of the Year Grammy in 2023 for her gut-wrenching composition, “Just Like That.” The song tells the story of a mom opening her front door to a stranger only to learn that he was given her son’s heart after the son’s tragic death years before. The mom experiences a kind of reunion with her son, listening to his heart beating in the chest of the thoughtful stranger.
My wife Terri and I know a lot about gut-wrenching news. We are survivors of the suicide of our 26-year-old son, Brent.
He was the LAST person any of us would ever expect to take his own life. There were no warning signs of suicide that we could see at the time. We thought that kind of thing happened to other families, but never in a million years of suburban Dallas living did we ever expect to lose our son to suicide at the moment when he seemed to be excited about his future.
A Sports Fanatic
Brent was a college graduate with a degree in Sports & Exercise Science. He was a super talented natural athlete who played soccer and baseball like a semi-pro and was a scratch golfer. Growing up, he regularly beat me in a million games of ping-pong, tennis, and Nerf basketball.
After graduating from college, he worked as the head athletic trainer for a small school district near Corpus Christi, but he had recently taken a position with a sports rehab clinic, also on the Texas Gulf Coast. He enjoyed the work, but he missed his college buddies who were working in North Texas.
Expecting to Hear Good News
Brent had just spent a few days with us over a long weekend networking at an athletic trainer conference hoping to land a new job closer to Dallas. He seemed optimistic about his prospects, so we expected to hear good news that morning, July 30, 1999.
Instead, a uniformed Dallas police officer rang our doorbell at 7 am and within minutes, we learned that our funny, super athletic son Brent had perished at 2 am that morning, barely 48 hours after we hugged him goodbye before he started his drive back to the Gulf Coast. Further, we learned that he had perished from a gunshot. The shock and grief were overwhelming. We were devastated. We did not believe he had taken his own life until we read the letter he had written and left on the floor of his apartment just inside the front door. It began, “If you find this letter, I’ve killed myself and here’s why….”
We Knew We Needed Help
After Brent’s packed funeral, we joined a local faith-based grief recovery group where we were educated about the grief process. It was helpful, but no one there had lost a loved one to suicide. We knew we needed help dealing with the particular grief that comes after a loved one takes their own life.
Terri discovered the Suicide & Crisis Center of North Texas, a non-profit providing a 24/7 suicide prevention hotline and “SOS groups” for those who had lost a loved one to suicide.
Survivors of Suicide Support Groups
The Survivors of Suicide support groups, or SOS groups for short, are led by trained volunteers who are survivors themselves. We signed up and joined a dozen other shell-shocked survivors in an 8-week schedule of 2-hour meetings.
Ben and Novella co-led our SOS group. Each had survived the suicide of a loved one and told us we could also survive the suicide of our loved one, and they would show us how. The Texas crisis center’s secular curriculum guided and educated us as Ben and Novella encouraged us to share our suicide story, no matter how horrific. And they were ALL horrific.
The “Soul Survivors”
The small meeting room in which we met at the Suicide & Crisis Center near downtown Dallas became a safe space for us to pour out our experiences. Over time, we bonded and began to support each other knowing each SOS group member, as well as our group leaders, had walked in our shoes. We called ourselves, the “Soul Survivors” and continued to meet after the 8-week course ended in each other’s homes for over 2 years.
Flash Forward 25 Years
The years following Brent’s suicide were filled with many joyful moments we doubted we would ever have again, including our daughter Stacy’s graduation from college, her marriage to her High School Sweetheart, and the birth of our two grandchildren, Lily, now 16, and Henry, 14.
It was just as Ben and Novella said it would be if we continued to heal and support each other.
In fact, Ben and Novella’s work leading our SOS group impressed me so much that after retiring from a career in marketing, I contacted the Suicide & Crisis Center of North Texas, told Margie Wright and Jenyce Gush our story, and asked to be trained to lead Survivors of Suicide support groups like the one that helped Terri and me so much. Jenyce trained me, and eventually, I began to lead SOS Groups on my own.
Now, several groups later, I can honestly say this is the most rewarding volunteer work I can imagine doing. I’m always thankful to tell new SOS Group members that 25 years ago, Terri and I were sitting in the very room they were in; we were told we could survive the suicide of our son…and we did.
We Can Help You, Too
If you have lost someone you love to suicide, we can help you survive the devastating loss that has changed your life forever. The grief that loved ones experience after suicide is unlike any other loss. Terri and I know that grief firsthand. The Suicide & Crisis Center’s Jenyce Gush, Director of Program Services, also knows that grief firsthand. Reach out to her and ask her about joining a Survivors of Suicide support group. You’ll find practical ways to cope with the tsunami of emotions you have experienced since your world turned upside down…just like that.
Charlie Brim
Volunteer SOS Group Leader
Suicide & Crisis Center of North Texas